I had a dream last night that I was finishing my degree. Only had two semesters left for my diploma. I was moving back into the dorms. And I realized that none of the classes I needed worked with my work schedule. And I couldn’t pay my rent without my job. If I didn’t pay my rent, I’d be letting my roommate down. I cried. What was I doing? What was I thinking trying to go back to school? I had so many responsibilities and I was letting them fail. How could I be so selfish?

I woke up upset. Going back to school has been a thorn in my side for a while. With fears of not being able to get in, responsibilities I’ve taken on since graduation and the knowledge that it won’t pay for itself, I’ve all but decided that grad school is not going to happen for me. It hurts, but that’s the reality.

Last night was the first time I’ve ever thought about grad school as anything but a golden sanctuary or a goal that I’m just plain failing to reach. It was a nightmare. I think my subconscious helped me finally let go of that.